I am curious, in the ETA chatroom, I noticed many profiles seem to treat the male slider as almost more IRL gender than character gender, so uh... As a girl who plays a lot of male characters, this can sometimes be confusing.

Does it matter if the male character has a female behind the screen? Does it ease any worries? or does spewing such a fact just seem random and uncomfortable to know? I was tempted to state in the profiles that the player is female, but I was worried it would bring in unwanted attention. Though I just now recently thought that maybe it might ease some worries? From folks who are wary of male players, that is (likely other girls)

I don't roleplay, but I have seen this behavior for years. There are a lot of male roleplayers who only want to roleplay with women. I'm a cis male, so I can both understand the frame of mind where that's coming from but also admit that it's pretty dumb.

I'm not one to be wary of male profiles, personally. I roleplay both male and female characters but I still prefer straight interactions (but you do you). Personally, I don't get as much enjoyment otherwise, despite what I tried. Whereas behind the screen, I usually default in guessing that the one behind the screen is a guy regardless of pictures. There was a time when I was younger and did worried about such things though; mostly for relationships that never came to pass, let alone mattered. However, it is rather clear that this should never happen online (in my opinion), and keep roleplay stuff as only roleplay stuff.

TL;DR

Player gender does not matter. Mostly character. At least for me. However, experience in years has taught me that it will originally feel strange and uncomfortable but, eventually, just roleplaying and having fun will override.

Personally I do not care about the gender of the player, I care about the gender of the character, I can be picky when it comes gender of the character I am playing with, example, I love male prey, do not like male preds. Could care less what the person at the keyboard is.

coop500 wrote:I am curious, in the ETA chatroom, I noticed many profiles seem to treat the male slider as almost more IRL gender than character gender, so uh... As a girl who plays a lot of male characters, this can sometimes be confusing.

Does it matter if the male character has a female behind the screen? Does it ease any worries? or does spewing such a fact just seem random and uncomfortable to know? I was tempted to state in the profiles that the player is female, but I was worried it would bring in unwanted attention. Though I just now recently thought that maybe it might ease some worries? From folks who are wary of male players, that is (likely other girls)

I can't speak as someone who is currently wary of male profiles, but I avoided them for a long time, and honestly player gender wasn't really a factor at all. I knew full-well that many of the female characters I played with were male IRL, and it didn't detract from the experience. I don't care who you are behind the screen (as long as you're not an asshole).

Rather, I avoided male characters because I was focusing primarily on vore with romantic and/or sexual undertones, and I was just... not attracted to men in that way. I was there for F/F intimacy and therefore male characters didn't really factor into what I was looking for.

GRANTED, there were a lot of creepy dudes who would ask about my IRL gender and flirt with me, and I did block those guys because they made me uncomfortable, but frankly that's unrelated to my general preference for female characters. Lots of IRL guys were polite and respectful, and I was happy to play with them.

...

Now like I said, this is all speaking in the past tense, because my preference toward female characters has loosened somewhat over the years. I still prefer them, but the type of scene I'm most interested in has shifted from romance to something more platonic, and so I'm more willing to play with male characters than I was in the past.

I don't personally care about IRL gender myself either, but I've noticed a good chunk of people on the ETA chat don't care because of sexuality, but more of what I've been seeing gears towards feeling uncomfortable around male players because of inappropriate behavior. And that's where this whole thing came from.

I guess I didn't word the OP good enough, because it seems everyone is leaning towards sexuality (which wasn't the point of this thread)

Rat_Guy wrote:I'm a cis male, so I can both understand the frame of mind where that's coming from but also admit that it's pretty dumb.

You mean a straight male?

JMTFS wrote:

Rat_Guy wrote:I'm a cis male, so I can both understand the frame of mind where that's coming from but also admit that it's pretty dumb.

You mean a straight male?

He was saying he is cis gendered. Completely different from sexual orientation. A cis gendered person can be gay or straight.

EnderDracolich wrote:

coop500 wrote:GRANTED, there were a lot of creepy dudes who would ask about my IRL gender and flirt with me, and I did block those guys because they made me uncomfortable, but frankly that's unrelated to my general preference for female characters. Lots of IRL guys were polite and respectful, and I was happy to play with them.

I just wanted to throw it out there: I'm a creepydude. But I'm not a creepy dude.

Miridium wrote:

JMTFS wrote:

Rat_Guy wrote:I'm a cis male, so I can both understand the frame of mind where that's coming from but also admit that it's pretty dumb.

You mean a straight male?

He was saying he is cis gendered. Completely different from sexual orientation. A cis gendered person can be gay or straight.

Ah, in that case yes I was using the wrong terminology, I should have said straight male.

I think it just boils down to preference:

For some people, roleplaying fetishy stuff is inherently sexual and intimate.
For some people, they don't want to roleplay with a character who's gender they're not sexually attracted to.
For some people, they don't want to roleplay with a real life person who's gender they're not sexually attracted to.

Nothing wrong with not wanting to roleplay with anyone if it would make someone uncomfortable.

Some people get uncomfortable with the idea of playing with a male. It's just how it is—sexuality is a fickle thing.
But at the end of the day, it shouldn't really matter to you—even if you say you're an "irl female," you won't be getting the scenes that you're specifically after.

This is a topic that has been around for some time, and not one that has brought constructive dialogue very often. Many have felt bothered because of the person on the keyboard's gender, but I don't think the people who wouldn't be as much have been totally understanding of the issue. I'm gonna toss my two cents knowing it's risky, because, chances are, I might be wrongly generalizing. So my deepest respects for everyone reading beforehand.

Some people see RPing as a sexually neutral pastime or game, even though if the topic played is a sexual one, even if they get off to it. They visualize the RP, the characters and the story they build as an observer or external party, even if they prefer to play any particular gender or pred/prey role.

Some others, on the other hand, can't help pouring a bit more of themselves into it. They empathize further with the RP situation and the line between the partner and their character is blurred. They can even tend to understand RP as much as an online, anonymous, self-paced, vorish-themed sexual encounter. In that context, a differentiation of genders can be disappointing. One might think that this correlate with insecure individuals and, often, traditional sexuality. And that might be spot-on, of course. However, I somehow relate to one unconsciously putting their skin in the game like that and then feel disappointed, even if that comes from a wrong self-referencial assumption that their partner is doing the same.

My point is, RP is not as trivial an issue as one could think. Some people have only RPed in their life when they had the need to express themselves about vore. So it's only natural that some assume things, though wrongly, and especially on the Internet where some critical aspects of human communication are not present, let alone on personal/sexual topics.

This small digression comes from a personal reflection on whether RPing was cheating on my SO. you wouldn't believe how many people have told be not to worry. So if a personal/moral issue could arise like that in your relationship with the act of RPing itself, it's no wonder, at least for me, that other issues could arise like that.

IMO, non-judgemental communication, and acceptation (both of oneself and others) is key to help that kind of situations. Both kinds of people should be aware that the other one exists. Also, it's possible to move from one to another.

It's quite an abstract topic and I'm not even fully sure of what I'm arguing. I look forward for more opinions

coop500 wrote:I don't personally care about IRL gender myself either, but I've noticed a good chunk of people on the ETA chat don't care because of sexuality, but more of what I've been seeing gears towards feeling uncomfortable around male players because of inappropriate behavior. And that's where this whole thing came from.

I guess I didn't word the OP good enough, because it seems everyone is leaning towards sexuality (which wasn't the point of this thread)

Well—a lot of guys do exhibit inappropriate behavior, but I try to avoid generalizing all men because of the bad behavior of a few.
Also, I try to avoid assuming that male characters are played by guys anyway, because as you've noted that's not always the case.

I don't care about the gender of the person on the other side of the screen unless they make it really awkward or something by like telling me their Real Life™ state of arousal or something. That's extremely rare for me, thankfully. Most people I've played with I'm totally unaware of any details on them besides "they're a human with an electronic, internet-capable device". So, be a male player, a female player, or a super intelligent, self-aware mobile device. Doesn't matter to me.

Character genders are a bit different. I'm not into male humans or demis at all, but am okay with the anthros and ferals (although I do get put off if their character image is showing off a massive cock or something). I also tend to refrain from M/M scenes unless they're strictly non-sexual (thankfully, I see vore as not inherently sexual). I'm also not really into stuff like herms or shemale characters at all, but it really doesn't help there that so many of them I've interacted with are so obsessed with their dicks that even a very perverted male would cringe. This does, consequently, give me a fair bit of a female lean, but I have definitely approached males before.

There are a fairly large component of in-denial closet cases in fetish communities, as well. I've run into them regularly, being a male who has played female characters. They often justify themselves to themselves by only rping with 'feminine males' or "shemales" or trying to avoid their attraction entirely by hyper-focusing on the gender of the person behind the character.

I think there is also an element of self-insert into some people's RP, which isn't healthy in my opinion. And as a result, like Ark1 has more eloquently explained, they view it like a sort of sexual encounter. This attitude also seems to contribute to an over-attachment issue I notice with these very same people. They can be more than usually clingy, and view it as something of a claim upon you to have RP'd.

Rumor wrote:I don't care about the gender of the person on the other side of the screen unless they make it really awkward or something by like telling me their Real Life™ state of arousal or something. That's extremely rare for me, thankfully. Most people I've played with I'm totally unaware of any details on them besides "they're a human with an electronic, internet-capable device". So, be a male player, a female player, or a super intelligent, self-aware mobile device. Doesn't matter to me.

Character genders are a bit different. I'm not into male humans or demis at all, but am okay with the anthros and ferals (although I do get put off if their character image is showing off a massive cock or something). I also tend to refrain from M/M scenes unless they're strictly non-sexual (thankfully, I see vore as not inherently sexual). I'm also not really into stuff like herms or shemale characters at all, but it really doesn't help there that so many of them I've interacted with are so obsessed with their dicks that even a very perverted male would cringe. This does, consequently, give me a fair bit of a female lean, but I have definitely approached males before.

So at the risk of being called an SJW (which I'm not trying to be), I want to mention that while many people use this site as a source of sexual gratification, terms like "herm" and "shemale" are outdated/porn terms used to sexualize intersex people and transgender women respectively. It can actually be quite degrading to hear the type of person you are referred to by them, especially when an intersex/trans person plays a character of the same type they are IRL. Now if an individual player is actually into hearing those terms in an RP, that's up to you and them in a private space, and I have no ability or right to judge in that specific situation.

It's just something to mention. I say this as a trans woman myself, so I do have experience being called this stuff directly.

Apologies, but those are the terms used on this site and others. Our chatroom has a "Herm Partner" preference slider while Flist has herm, male-herm, shemale, c-boy, and transgender as all listed genders, so those are the terms I am familiar with and I'm not aware of any others. If there is more correct terminology for describing someone who physically has both male and female bits, then I'd like to know.

coop500 wrote:I am curious, in the ETA chatroom, I noticed many profiles seem to treat the male slider as almost more IRL gender than character gender, so uh... As a girl who plays a lot of male characters, this can sometimes be confusing.

Does it matter if the male character has a female behind the screen? Does it ease any worries? or does spewing such a fact just seem random and uncomfortable to know? I was tempted to state in the profiles that the player is female, but I was worried it would bring in unwanted attention. Though I just now recently thought that maybe it might ease some worries? From folks who are wary of male players, that is (likely other girls)

As someone who openly admits discomfort in playing with male players, I also don't care for your male characters. In the pretend scenario I turn your male character down and you spring player gender on me, I'd still openly tell you there's other points of contention than that one factor. Heck, you could switch to a female alt and I'll still figure out if what you want and what I want are even compatible.

That being said, here are experiences shared from all the girls I talk to, as I play with half the site's supply of female players (albeit not recently, so if last year or so has changed a lot of the dynamic this has a chance to be outdated):

-There are already female players who use this tag in their profiles as an advertisement point.
-There is a subset of people who will play with you 'just to see what it's like'
-However, if what you want is niche enough such as M/M as prey only and it affects them, you have to contend with receive disingenuous offers. This won't necessarily stem from anyone intending to stiff or ghost you, but if they themselves are not actually into what you're looking for, they might find themselves not quite as flexible as they thought and it won't fix that they get nothing from the roleplay itself once it has started. You need to be able to vet these people out for their own good, or just accept a lot of ghosting. It's important you are just as open with what you're here for and consequent in finding out if they are willing to actually play a scene that focuses on it.
-There are 'only so many simps, and only so much attention span per simp'. There are a number of chat regulars who are open with being female players and also in the very public space of the vore room, and they aren't being pursued and harassed into the existential abyss or anything. They obviously are able to play and make friends just fine, and a lot of them are a lot more visible than you, openly recognizable as artists across platforms even.
-That being said, you will likely run into at least one 'that guy' if you hold a persistent identity. Here's the thing with 'that guy'. They are creeps, and if knowing you are female activates them being a creep then that's a good thing. The worst thing that can happen is making friends with a creep on the premise of obscuring the information that makes them a creep, letting them get close, becoming vulnerable - at that point, you've built a level of entitlement towards you and obligation towards them. This is incredibly stupid and akin to a 14 year old aspiring to make friends with pedophiles by not letting them know they're underage. Would you desire to date an axe murderer by obscuring that you're his profiled victim? This is the exact reason I always find 'I'm not comfortable giving out irl information' followed by still trying to play with me when I pull out disingenuous and have it add to my personal discomfort.
-There is absolutely a chance to catch cruel and manipulative stalkers, but openness on this one point doesn't seem the direct relation from what I personally can tell. Both open and secretive people deal with persistent manipulative assholes - the main reason for the secretive ones? They made friends with manipulative assholes by being secretive themselves and not recognizing it. The one openness that does matter is if you're recognizable outside of just your characters or Eka's account, because if you catch a manipulative asshole while holding public identity, it can develop into a headache and a half.
-However, the more open you are, the more you should be able to handle confrontation. Secretive players specifically get by without it (for better or worse - part of what ensnares them is this forgoing of ever confronting the problems), but if you're open, you need to be able to at least tell the bad actors and be able to draw hard limits. You also need to be able to report them if they pull a stunt - you're not being merciful, you're actively punishing the next person they'll haunt and the staff in the chat is bound to counseling each other to be reasonable, even if some of them come off as very aggressive.

I hope this helps you find the answer that's right for you. I know better than to push you one way or the other, but I hope addressing some topics around your known worries at least helps.

coop500 wrote:I am curious, in the ETA chatroom, I noticed many profiles seem to treat the male slider as almost more IRL gender than character gender, so uh... As a girl who plays a lot of male characters, this can sometimes be confusing.

Does it matter if the male character has a female behind the screen? Does it ease any worries? or does spewing such a fact just seem random and uncomfortable to know? I was tempted to state in the profiles that the player is female, but I was worried it would bring in unwanted attention. Though I just now recently thought that maybe it might ease some worries? From folks who are wary of male players, that is (likely other girls)

It... might actually make things worse for male pred characters. The largest demographics into male preds are gay men and straight women. There's a reason most people typically follow "don't ask, don't tell" when ERPing.

Rumor wrote:Apologies, but those are the terms used on this site and others. Our chatroom has a "Herm Partner" preference slider while Flist has herm, male-herm, shemale, c-boy, and transgender as all listed genders, so those are the terms I am familiar with and I'm not aware of any others. If there is more correct terminology for describing someone who physically has both male and female bits, then I'd like to know.

I think they're trying to say that the fetish itself is wrong because trans and intersex people get objectified. If that is not the case, they can correct me, but if it is, feel free to ignore them. There is nothing wrong with sexual objectification as long as it stays in the bedroom and involves consenting adults and/or fictional characters. You wouldn't go around calling a fat lady in Walmart a BBW, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the term in porn.